The Ramblingsfromakitkat Manifesto

Well, the UK General Election is less than three weeks away now. For the first time, I am completely undecided as to who I will vote for (and I will be voting!). I know it will be either Labour, Conservatives or Lib Dem (in a general election, I choose to vote only for one of the big three)

And so, inspired by the Official Monster Raving Loony Party's Manifesto, I bring you mine.

More will be added as I form more policies.

Grammar:
If elected, I shall order the Oxford English Dictionary to find an alternative for the word procrastination. It is unreasonable to have such a long word for people who most likely cannot be bothered, nor feel compelled to write all those letters. My party shall propose the word procrastination be replaced with the letter Q as this comes first on computers.

Working Hours:
Increasingly, doctors and other health care workers are understanding the importance of good employee health benefiting the company. More people seem happier at the weekend. Therefore, I shall reverse the working week/weekend numbers to a 5 day weekend and 2 day working week. This way we'll all be more happy and get more work done on the 2 days when we do have to work.

Law:
All courts and tribunals handling family and divorce cases would be issued with ample supplies of Birds Custard. This would help in custardy battles.

Defence:
I believe we are not using the A-Team to its full potential. I therefore propose full reinstatement of the A-Team with a view to deploy them immediately into theatre in Afghanistan. Also, because many of the local forces that we are committed to train in both Iraq and Afghanistan have limited resources, I propose that all foreign forces trained by my government are done so by MacGyver. This will ensure they are most effective even when available resources are low.

New Years Honours List:
If elected, I shall recommend to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II that she gives the title "Order of the British Empire" to Obi-Wan Kenobi. This will give the character the full name of Obi-Wan Kenobi OBE. (is it obvious I know nothing about sci-fi?)

Air Travel:
In light of the recent disruption caused to air travel by the Icelandic volcano eruption, a new law would be passed requiring all commercial aircraft to carry the drink "Red Bull". Red Bull gives you wings, and therefore will act as a back up mechanism should the plane loose stability due to ash intake. This backup would ensure aircraft can continue to fly.

Farming and Agriculture:
I shall ensure that all spiderpigs are free to do whatever spiderpigs do.

Animal Welfare:
The RSPCA will be instructed to ensure that all meerkats are found in groups of at least two. This is to enable the public to effectively compare the meerkat.

Mental Health:
All psychiatric hospitals will have trampolines placed on the ground below each window. This is to prevent injury and encourage humour (therefore curing them of their problem) amongst patients aiming to escape.

Also, I shall make it law that anyone who has suffered with depression for six months or longer is required to change their name to Annie, regardless of their sex. This is to create the conditions for people caring for these individuals to lighten the moment by saying "Annie are you OK? Are you OK? Are you OK, Annie?".

Climate Change:
I will create a task force to dismantle all greenhouses and prosecute any gardener who continues to flout the law and use them. This will have an impact on the effectiveness of greenhouses, therefore reducing the greenhouse effect.

Health:
The cost of cigarettes will be halved and re-engineered to suck in carbon dioxide, therefore removing the remaining effects caused by greenhouses. All pieces of fruit and veg will be made smaller. This increases the chances that people will be able to eat their recommended 5 per day. Tomato ketchup will also count towards your five a day (that's per squirt, so five squirts will provide you with your recommended daily allowance).

Transport:
As an alternative fuel source, all vehicles will be powered using the energy generated from burning the excrement spoken by politicians. National Express will be renamed "National" to remove the misleading word "express", which implies speed.

Green Transport:
Taking a leaf out of Mary Poppin's book, I will invest in the research to test the suitability of using flight-capable umbrellas (which require only wind) as the next form of public transportation to replace cars. And I shall also ensure that Rhianna only has one umbrella, and not several "ella's" on top. This is greed and we as a society must curb this.

Family:
I will make sure all parents have three children. Parents must raise their offspring to ensure one of them weighs significantly less than the other two. This policy will restore the 2.4 children factor which proved to be the bedrock of a stable family life for so many years.

Economy:
I will allow all children (and adults providing they obtain the necessary license) to spend chocolate money, which will be given official monetary status as the secondary currency throughout the British Isles. The cost of kit kats will also be reduced by 90%.

Race relations:
I will advocate a society in which all races are given equal consideration. All athletes will have to participate in at least one other race and give at least 50% of their training time to this event. Any athlete found to be disobeying this law shall be prosecuted as being race-ist.

Crime:
Anyone wishing to be a police officer will not be allowed to join the force until they have mastered the "walk from The Bill". Paperwork will be reduced by requiring all reports to be filed via Twitter. This will also ensure transparency.

Tourism:
I will rename all tourist locations to ensure confusion and disappointment cannot reign. For example, Piccadilly Circus will be renamed so people do not expect to find a trapeze artist upon arrival.

Entertainment:
A law will be introduced to make it illegal for anyone over the age of 10 to purchase a Harry Potter book. Also, the Sun newspaper will be renamed to make it more representative of the British weather. It will be now be called "Overcast with a chance of rain"

Technology:
Any piece of technology used to gather mapping data from ground level, will be referred to as a satellemite. This will continue the stalagmite (rising from the ground)/stalactite (from above) order of words. Satellites, providing the data is aerial/orbiting will remain unchanged.

Immigration:
Due to the increasing problem of hospital acquired infections, I would to ensure that Britain's immigration policy also encompasses bacteria. In a new step, only friendly bacteria would be granted entry into the United Kingdom (such as the type found in Yakult). Bad bacteria would not be allowed in and the newly created Border Protection Force shall be provided with ample supplies of Dettol antibacterial spray.

Freedom of Information:
It is believed that nowadays, there are too many public inquiries. If elected, I will hold a public inquiry to investigate why there are so many.

Public Holidays:
April 1st will be made a bank holiday. It will be referred to as "Boris Johnson day".

Sport:
The theme tune to the BBC Snooker coverage shall be replaced by "Snooker loopy nuts are we".

2012 Olympics:
A new sport of "being British" shall be introduced. This is to ensure that Britain will win at least one gold medal during the Olympics for which we are the host nation.

Religious Integration:
I shall recall my ambassador to the Vatican City, unless the Pope meets our demands and answers the question "Why, if we, the people are created by God, do I sometimes bite my own tongue?" It is unacceptable to believe that the same being who created the Grand Canyon would have made such an error with humans.

Civil Liberties:
To ensure that our security services (MI5 and MI6), do not believe they are above the law, it is my policy to verify whether James Bond has a license to watch TV.

Thank You BBC Four - The Beauty of Maps

The Beauty of Maps starting tomorrow (well looking at the clock, technically today now!) with Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession

Perfect for someone who loves "maps" as I do.



Update:
In the second of three episodes of Maps: Power, Plunder and Possession, the man who's website is shown as an RSS feed on the right of this page, Ed Parsons, spoke about Google Earth. As Google's Geospatial Technologist, Ed was the perfect person to provide an eloquant account of how people have used Google Earth around the world. Indeed, the applications to which it has been put are truly inspirational. Miss seeing this at your peril!

If I Have Children....

I hope I have a girl like this....

"Dust to dust, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health. May the force be with you, because you're worth it, Amen and out."


From the brilliantly written and wonderfully acted BBC comedy series, Outnumbered.

This Green and Pleasant Land

This Green and Pleasant Land

Sitting high above this checkered quilt of many shades,
A amazing technicolour dreamcoat surrounds my entire gaze,
Stretching as far as the eye can see, a moment belonging to me,

The march of a thousand delicate buds of cotton wool,
Each one casting a shadow across this enchanting landscape,
Dancing in tandem with the waves of warmth on my back,

A gentle breeze moves through the air, turning a lonely windmill,
An army ten billion strong, waits for it command to charge,
Each soldier saluting the gusts which come before him,

Dotted like ants along this vista,
A herds of cows innocently chews the cud,
A newly born lamb takes its first steps,

Off in the distance, a polished church bell reflects the sunlight,
Rising chimney smoke guides my eyes towards contrails,
Unrehearsed yet perfectly harmonised, birds tweet the chorus,

In this unconditionally beautiful landscape sitting before me, serenity exists.
This Green and Pleasant Land

I'm Feeling Lucky

Well it's official, I'll be voting in the general election.

To me, this small, innocent looking piece of card makes me feel fortunate and appreciate what my grandparents (and their compatriots) did for us, along with the continued commitment being made right now around the world that allows these bits of card to be issued.

On The Origin of A Map

In a previous blog post in which I wrote about my favourite things, (excluding raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens), I mentioned my passion for maps, specifically atlases;

"Atlases - I personally find looking at an atlas an almost sexually exciting experience (but not quite - so no need to call the men in white coats yet). When at school, my friends would be saving up for playstation games, or asking for them as presents for birthdays, but instead I got all excited when the latest edition of the world atlas came out and would want that! I could just look at all the places for hours on end, trying try to understand how different places were related, how diverse and beautiful our natural landscape can be."

This passion for maps is in fact not just limited to atlases, but to geography and geospatial information as a whole (road, aerial, ground level, sensor data). In this post I will share with you why I like "maps"*, and the role, the increasing role they are playing and hopefully will play in the continued evolution of society.

* = I use the word map here as a generally recognisable word that conjures up the image of a geographical resource. Throughout this post, when I refer to map, the meaning should be taken to encompass geographic information and information geographically -- whatever the information and spatial context are.

At a purely basic level, to me, a "map" links intimately with proprioception, which essentially is the sense of ones body knowing the relative position of its body parts. An example might be knowing, even if blindfolded whether your arms were hanging down by your side or above your head. Also, proprioception can be general awareness, sometimes conscious, sometimes subconscious of your body's situation. For example how many of you right now are fully aware of the chair, or bed that supports you as you read this? (well everyone now!). Studies have also demonstrated that when a person looses, or experiences a distortion of proprioception, it severely impacts upon their ability to function well.

In this way, the positioning of ourselves internally, in turn relates externally to our surroundings. For example, the chair that supports my back, which rests on the floor and foundations of the building I am in - and so on until I would list the Eurasian tectonic plate, and even further afield to a planetary position. There is also the hippocampus component of the brain which is an important part in understanding location.

Therefore, I believe it can be said that humans have a biological preference, even a need to be able to relate to their spatial environment. Being able to relate allows for the first step in being able to understand. When we understand, we can reflect and when we reflect, we can know in a propositional manner the direction in which to travel.

"If we are to live together in peace, we must come to know each other better."
- Lyndon B. Johnson

In recent years, the developments in linking information technology (I include cellular in this) and geography has unleashed a plethora of geographical pioneers into the community. These pioneers are a group of people using mapping technologies to satisfy their needs to relate, increasingly so to their environment. This army is over 1 billion in size and growing each day. They are the inhabitants of the planet they map.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
- Reputed to be Chinese proverb

Online mapping tools (and by online, I mean broadband on computers and data connectivity on cellular devices) - free online tools are being placed in the hands of the public, spurring on this geographical evolution. Tools such as Google Maps and Google Earth (there are many others and examples of those include Bing Maps or NASA World Wind, but for this post, I am using Google's examples as I am most familiar with those, plus I find their mission, "to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful.", or in this case geographically organize most congruent with my views) give people unparalleled power to know about their planet through exploration, through the sharing of cultural differences, through the unveiling of scientific discoveries and so many more ways than I can list here.

Each person, now more than ever, can readily feel their sense of place and communicate their knowledge to form new "maps" - "maps" that are not unfolded to show how to get from point A to point B (which is good as I could never fold them back up!), but "maps" that act as an invaluable weapon of connectivity for social collaboration, informational exchange and awareness that places which though still physically distant, no longer are emotionally distant and more so that we are responsible for these.

Ultimately, geographic information is adopting a new stance whereby this geographic information is instead becoming information, geographically. An ever evolving web of uniquely distilled user-created knowledge is dispelling the myth that a map has only a small repertoire of uses. Evolutionary, we need to know where we are - and these online tools are only now allowing us to see the abundance of situations where a spatial element is an integral part of being.

Yes, Prime Minister

So, on Tuesday 6th April 2010, British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown called a general election for Thursday May 6th 2010. On Tuesday morning, Gordon Brown visited Buckingham Palace to meet with Queen Elizabeth II where she granted her 11th Prime Minister permission to dissolve parliament, while the campaigning and election of a government takes place.

The question is, who will win? Will it be Labour? (the current government), will it be The Conservative Party? (the main opposition party), and how significant will the role of the Liberal Democrats be? (traditionally not considered to be the main opposition but are included in the list of the main political contenders in British politics - there are three).

My view (and since you are visiting my blog, you must care on some level what that is!), is this. Many people (or enough that makes a fourth term look unlikely) feel they have had their full dose of Labour and are ready for change - they have been in government since 1997 (in the UK there is no maximum term in office for a party). Few people (or few enough people who'd vote for them because they felt they were the better party) actually want the Conservatives to win because they are unlikely to deliver real change and improvement, along with much disillusionment still remaining in the mind of the electorate from their previous time in government. So that leaves us with the Lib Dems....I think this is the party most people would feel the greatest connection to (if the modern day electorate feel any positive connection to the parties), but are still unlikely to vote for them (in numbers required to give a victory) due to the fact that whilst the Lib Dems are classed as the third main party, in reality many people regard the election as a two horse race, and people would not vote for them because they would be in too much doubt that their fellow electorates would do the same. So basically, not enough people will plan to vote for Labour (because they don't want them), not enough will plan to vote for the Conservaties (because they don't want them), not enough will plan to vote for the Lib Dems (because they don't think enough will, and the psyche as I say remains that this is a two horse race) - which is a real shame as I think now, more than ever, it would be healthier if they were in real contention - maybe they are. What result all this will create, well we'll have to wait and see.

As for voting. Voting is for me a must and this week, I will be checking my voting status is up to date*. I believe very strongly in exercising my right to vote. When I vote, I vote for three reasons.

1. I can. Many people in many countries cannot and whilst people could argue for hours over whether there is much point nowadays when "ultimately they're all the same and won't do anything once in (government)", I feel very lucky that I can choose, in complete freedom who I feel best suited to lead my country and do the best (or least worst perhaps!) for me.

2. My grandparents. I can vote because of their sacrifices in WWII and previous wars. I should honour that.

3. Aside from the history, rights and freedom, I still believe it's important to have a voice when invited to.

So, who will I be voting for? Well....I have a democratic right to privacy and not to say. At this stage however, I can honestly say I am undecided. I like the idea of a victory by the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, but it's rather unlikely - and they're not standing in my area anyway!

Happy voting people!



* = I called my local voting authority and was told I'm still up to date and able to vote! Great!