Grateful for

I have had a horrible day today - well a fair bit of it was horrible.

So here are a bunch of things (totally at random) that I am thankful for. I've heard that when you're feeling really rubbish, it helps to list things you're grateful for. There are two reasons for this. 1. It helps shift the focus to the positive. 2. It engages the pre-frontal cortex part of the brain, which when more active gives less room for the amygdala (the part that lights up during times of anxiety/anger/fear) to reign freely.

So, here goes. I am going to time myself (because I am a geek)....in no specific order Phil, your 3 minutes begins now, and you have to keep typing. Are you ready? Yes Phil, you are ready. OK. Go!

OK.....I am thankful for lovely Twitter people that have tried to keep me relatively sane. I am thankful for the SatNav that helped us find where we were going today. I'm thankful for my lovely parents (who really should've had me adopted years ago!). I'm thankful for whatssnapchatapp, or whatever it's called. I'm thankful fooooorrrrrrrrrrr ahhhhh, I can't think....I'm thankful for Mark Knopfler (woah that was random). I'm thankful for the internet. I am thankful for my fingers which allow me to type this. I'm thankful for my knowledge about the pre-frontal cortex, which I learned at work (I think that's where I learned it). I'm thankful forrrrr, come on surely my time is nearly up, it's gotta be 3 mins. OK, it pretty much is....I am thankful fooorrrrrrrrrrrrr, ok one last one, I'm thankful for baby meerkats.

OK. Publish!

(I still feel crappy, but that was a good thing to do)

I want this person to be happy

My name is Phil, and I was born in 1982. I was brought into this world naked, kicking and screaming. I had no background to me (OK, perhaps I caused my Mum 9 months of discomfort and if asked, she'll tell you that this is still the case 31 years later!).

I didn't really want anything. I just needed to be kept warm, fed and watered. Other than that, I was just this little thing (some would say I still am!) who had the deepest of desires to be happy, content and not suffer as my life developed. You were the same. Everyone started like this.

No-one sets out to hurt people (I know there are some mental illnesses than mean people have certain thoughts/visions about hurting people, but they're still born with the desire to not suffer in life. In fact, if anything, I would suggest these people's desire to not suffer is greater than the average person's.). We just want to get on with our lives and wish for them to go pretty well so that we can smile lots, and enjoy our existences.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” 

 -- John Lennon

As we get older, there are things that can make us feel happy/sad. Jobs, relationships, health concerns. Emotions, especially the experience of anger play a significant role in the levels of happiness we can experience, especially when in conflict with other people. So, I've been trying something for a while. You know what? It's working (oh, and it didn't cost me anything, or have any negative side effects). 

It's called "random intentions of kindness", and if you're the sort of person that likes to understand something's background, it traces its routes back to Buddhist meditation. I'm not a Buddhist, or aligned to any other religion. However, I do have an interest in the westernised/scientifically studied (I need my science, people!) practice of "Mindfulness". I think I just find it useful to have my interest hooked onto something, but, if you're not of this personality type, that's fine, you can read on and give this a try if you like.

So this "random intention of kindness thing then...It's quite simple really. It's based on reminding yourself of specific human similarities when dealing with any other human. Reminding yourself of these helps to reduce feelings of anger, which invariably lead to conflict and reduce your likelihood of experiencing happiness. I've already touched on these three key similarities above, but to go over them again, they are:

Each person is a human being, just like me. (if you're already angry with them, you may be finding it hard to think of them as human, so if that's the case, perhaps start off physically....they have a head, eyes, cells, skin, toe nails etc etc)

Each people wants to be happy, just like me.

Each person wants to be free from suffering, just like me.

Therefore, I want this person to be happy.

My experiences have taught me that by practicing this regularly (this is very important), I am able to feel less frustration with people, remain calmer in a greater number of situations, and have healthier interactions with my fellow species.

My preferable way in which to practice this, is to go out for a short walk each day, and randomly glance at a few people, pay attention to them and say to myself that "I want this person to be happy, reminding myself of those three key human similarities". 

Practicing with different types of people helps too. So, for example, I may include a homeless person, a person getting out of a Rolls Royce, a different sex, or age. If I'm finding it hard to bring about a sense of compassion for this person, I can refer back to the purely physical components of being human, and then, I may say to myself "I am sure this person does have something causing them unhappiness. Perhaps they're unhappy with their job, perhaps there's a family member they're worried about, maybe they're having money issues". Hopefully, none of these people will have those concerns, and my wishing them happiness is wishing them even more happiness than they already have in their already happy lives. Wouldn't that be nice? (Yes Phil)

It does feel a little strange at first to do this, and probably during the beginning, the habit of thinking "chav/snob/down and out" will feel like it's reigning freely. But, like anything you want to become more skilled at, you just need to repeat it over and over again. It will become easier, and crucially, your ability to switch on this "ahhhh, woaaaah, wait a minute....this person is a person like me etc etc" behaviour, will assist you in conflicting scenarios.

I would recommend that you watch this video (all of it if you have the time), but for the purposes of this blog post, the bit between 30.10 and 33.00 minutes is relevant.

I wouldn't say that I've become an expert in this yet. I still get pi**ed off with people sometimes. I still find myself having a bit of a rant. I still find myself engaging in prejudice thinking. But, less so. I feel that I have a kinder outlook to people, even those that have done bad things and I've found this part very interesting and sometimes a little confusing to be honest. It's not that I think what they've done is good. I will still be of the opinion that what they did (let's take the example of a convicted criminal) was completely wrong, but I am able to view them as someone who has suffered, and their horrible actions were probably the result of some suffering they experienced. I may retain the position that they shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets freely because their experiences and suffering have led them to become people who are now a danger to others, but I allow myself, albeit with restrictions placed up on them, to wish and end to their suffering. So, I suppose in that sense, it allows me to accept an ambivalence. 

Give it a go maybe? Next time you're in Tesco buying your horse, pick a few people out and wish them happiness (probably not out loud though), based on your basic human similarities, and just see how it makes you feel. 

Perhaps together, we can change the first auto suggest here (maybe the third too...).

Oh, and I want you to be happy.

Room Lovely - Version Two

A few years ago, I did a blog post titled "Room Lovely", where I took an idea that I had seen on television to spend some time focusing on some of the things we really love because all too often we focus on what annoys us. I do recommend you view that previous blog post if you want to know what I included then and how it came about.

It's not so much the obvious things of family, oxygen, women with sexy legs etc, but many other things.

Some of the things in this "v2" were included last time. Now, that's not to say the things that I included originally would no longer be in my list - they probably would be. It's just that those still included must have some kind of ultra importance to it.

Anyway, I shall witter on no more and let's begin with (in no specific order) Room Lovely - Version Two:

Samba
Samba music, specifically the drumming component of it has become incredibly special to me over the past few years. I've always loved making music and wanted to do some drumming. In August 2010, I joined a local samba band in London, the London School of Samba. The lovely people I have met there that I am honoured to call my friends, combined energetic vibes. It's social ear porn basically! I think when Gloria Estefan came up with the notion of the rhythm is gonna get ya, she had probably been listening to Samba music. I actually wrote a blog post about a performance that I did with the London School of Samba for the 2011 London Marathon, which describes some of the joy I experienced.



Maps
I included atlases in my original post, but I'm bringing this forward because basically, if it's geographical, I love it. So much has a sense of place, our memories and personalities are created in these locations. Although somewhat biased, I have a huge huge fondness for the likes of Google Maps that are helping to make this geospatial information available to everyone! To me, maps = minature orgasm!

The Time To Change campaign
I have become a big fan of the Time to Change campaign, which seeks to promote a healthy awareness of mental health issues and bring about an end to the stigma associated with it. If four people read this post, then statistically, at least one of them will have or will suffer with a mental illness in their time. I make no secret of the fact that I have had battles with anxiety at times in my life. I know for a fact that this campaign specifically has helped me (and others that I know who have themselves experienced the pitfalls) to feel that little bit more OK about being a "practicing fruitcake". If you feel comfortable enough to do so, please give them some support, in whatever way you can.

Diagnosis Murder
I absolutely love this show! It never fails to make me smile. I love the character created for Dick van Dyke as "Dr Sloan". They seem to have completely captured what a truly kind, warm personality is, and whatever mood you're in, that's so comforting to watch. I hope this show continues to be repeated for many years to come! Although as the title suggests, it's about solving a murder, the show is peppered with humour and centered around the kind Dr Sloan who exudes compassion. I think for me, because I've had many dealings with the medical profession, some good, some, sadly bad, that I find some sense of comfort in seeing the creation of the compassionate doctor. Jump to 2.10 in this video and see Dick van Dyke in all his glory as Dr Sloan.



Mark Knopfler
As far as I'm concerned, Mark Knopfler is the greatest musician and song writer ever to have graced this planet. In the event we discover life on other planets, I strongly suspect that he would out-do those too. His guitar skills are second to none. His lyric creating is just a sublime act of human creativity and I have sought much inspiration in these for my own work. I strongly encourage you to give up one hour of your life to watch this documentary about this magician. Thanks Mark.



Cameras
I love photography. I can't claim to be a master of it but I've taken a few shots that I'm happy with in my time. Some pictures may be aesthetically poor in terms of pure photographic quality (I'm thinking mobile phones here!), but nonetheless, they create a story and a memory which the photograph helps to maintain. Then there are those professional who combine their knowledge with a great camera's technical features to give us something that produces a moment of wow inside us and reminds us of our world's beauty.

Meerkats
I think when I put this one down, I'm actually thinking of the comparethemeerkat adverts. It's hard to explain to those who haven't spent a reasonable amount of time in the UK over the past few years. I love what's been created there!



But meerkats in general are also extremely cute. Here are some for your viewing pleasure.

Snooker
Snooker is my favourite sport. Aside from the skill required to play it well (it's a little bit like golf in the sense that it doesn't look particularly difficult, but it really is, and this is realised by anyone who plays it), it's also the wonderful sportsmanship (take note footballers!) exhibited by the players, the close-knit family feel given to it, and also the BBC's coverage of it. Ah, when it's time for Hazel and the boys (you know what I mean if you like it too), you know you're going to enjoy your day!

David Attenborough
Sir David Attenborough is a true British great. I have had the completely pleasure of meeting him once and it's a moment I'll never forget. His enthusiasm, caring, knowledge, professionalism, dedication, everythingness are something that I treasure. Here he is in a clip from a TV show, shown just last week, in what I think is one of the most beautiful moments on television I will ever see.



London Underground
Also known as the Tube, this isn't really something that I use that much at the moment, but I have a huge admiration for it. It really is a feat of engineering! When you're in one of the tube stations, especially one that serves a deep level line, you begin to realise just what an amazingly complex labyrinthic wonderment it is. The tube map is itself an icon of London, and of course this ties into my love of maps too! Next time you're at a tube station/on the tube, just take a moment to think about what you're in. It's really amazing!



John Williams
John Williams is a composer and has created some of the most famous film scores ever. From Jurassic Park, to Star Wars, from E.T. to Home Alone, these iconic moments of auditory joy exist because of John Williams



Spotify
A running theme throughout this post is my love of music. Spotify for me is a brilliant invention that allows me to enjoy hours and hours of splendid music for a very low price. It's something I really get my money's worth of, and it brings me lots of enjoyable moments.

Social media
I'm thinking particularly Facebook and Twitter here, but the content being posted in Google+ is developing a really interesting narrative of its own. Both twitter and facebook have brought me new friends that I really value, twitter has given me many laughs, especially from the @Queen_UK, it's allowed me to chat to @StephenFry. It's given me news before the news told me it was news, and in one case, for this guy, it's proven to be faster than seismic waves!

Love Actually
A few years ago, my Mum introduced me to this film. Since then, it has emerged to be my favourite film. It's just a lovely lovely film to watch. It's basically one film comprising of a series of mini stories, many interconnected. Some happy, some even sad, all true to the nature of love. This is my favourite scene from the film.



Roald Dahl
As a child, Roald Dahl was my favourite author - to be honest, he still is. His stories captured my imagination. My favourite was Matilda. Any person who comes up with this as a quote is going to touch people's hearts and imaginations.

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."
- Roald Dahl

BBC
Some might say that the BBC has had a rough year, what with a couple of apparent scandals. Indeed, those should be investigated to see what went wrong. However, I am proud of the BBC as an institution. I am more than happy to pay my license fee and feel it is well worth the money. From it, I have got things such as Spooks, its wonderful nature documentaries, scientific documentaries, radio 4, round the clock (unbiased for this day) news and weather, up to date news websites, great comedy shows. I am a happy customer and look forward to many more years of their productions.

Word Play (the Uxbridge English Dictionary)
I love word play. Going back to the days of The Two Ronnies, I think it's so important to play around with these little 26 letters that we have and create laughter. In the present day, word play is represented in the form the BBC Radio 4 comedy quiz show, I'm sorry I haven't a clue and their round titled "Uxbridge English Dictionary". Brilliant!

Mindfulness
Mindfulness is hard to explain, but to me, it is a form of westernised meditation which seeks to bring about relaxation and focus by paying a great detail of attention to the present moment and experiencing it non-judgmentally, so as to allow it to be. Added into that is developing the compassionate side of your mind which makes you a kinder person, and less frustrated by people's, foibles. I consider myself new to this, but I have definitely experienced some positive results to this and can see a huge potential in it.



YouTube
I kinda gotta to include this given I've used content from there to illustrate my choices. But really though, it's a huge repository of information. Yes, a lot of it is in a way pointless, but it means something to those people. There is still an enormous amount of great content. It's given so many people a voice and is an extremely popular source for people to use an outlet for their humour, skills....dare I say, dance moves!

You
The poets, the scientists, the comedians, the doctors, the musicians, the inventors, the scholars. You're all amazing in some way or another. Don't forget that. Keep striving for happiness and spread it to as many as you can when you find it.

I am thankful for...Your 3 minutes begins

I have been trying a new thing. Mindful journaling. Mindful journaling is essentially setting aside a few minutes each day (I do three minutes) to write exactly whatever arises in your mind. Whatever crops up you write it. You set a timer (in this case for three minutes) and you can't stop writing until it buzzes. If you can't think of anything to write and your mind goes blank, then the object would be to write "I can't think of anything to write". I have done that. It's quite funny. There are no rules about what you can/can't write about - just keep writing! You can even let your grammar go to pot if you like. I do. In fact, I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm a stickler for good grammar. Your when it should be you're, it's when it should be its. Tut tut. But actually (and please don't tell anyone this), I find it quite liberating to let it all go for a few moments.

Anyway, I've just finished today's writing and the topic I chose was "I am thankful for....". Here is the unedited result. I thought I would share it. Just because.

I wonder what experiences your neurons might give to you if you try this. Let me know?

"I am thankful for giving myself better mental habits to engage in. I'm thankful for supportive friends. I'm thankful to the efforts of the IAPT team. I'm thankful for the invention of electricity, for broadband, and the internet and Google and laptops and mousepads and mobile phones and texting, and taps with clean running water, and twitter and freedom of speech and snooker and the snooker coverage and radio 4, and shoes, and insoles and science."

So there you have it. In those three minutes I wanted to be thankful for those things. I suppose raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are pretty cool too, but they didn't crop up during those three minutes.

I wish you well.

How Homer Simpson Is Helping Me To Breathe

Recently, I made a post about how I was starting the practice of Mindfulness Meditation. I said in that post, regarding any changes that I may notice as a result of the practices that "As these evolve, I may share some of them here." In fact, I am going to change that slightly and not share a change per se, but a process I am struggling with, but beginning to improve upon -- all with the help of my hero, Homer Simpson.

A key component of Mindfulness is to pay attention to the breath to help develop attention training.

I have been finding this very difficult. I am still finding it quite challenging, but hey I am in the process of learning. I have just embarked upon this practice. I would not expect myself to become fluent in a language I cannot speak instantly. I would need to spend time on my verbs, or trying to figure out why if I only want to thank one person I still say thanks when I think it should be just "thank". Anyway, I digress.

Yes, so focusing my attention on the breath. What I found has been happening, is that as soon as I turn my attention to my breath, it feels awkward, unnatural and forced. I think what is happening here in part is that I am making a judgement on what it should/shouldn't feel like and trying to force my breathing to fit that idea, instead of just letting the breath be.

Enter Homer Simpson. What I've been practicing is to pretend that I am Homer Simpson. One of the scenes that Homer is often shown in is repeating the simple action of something. In this case below, you'll see him activating a hospital bed. "Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down", and so on. I am trying to just have that notion of "notice the breath goes in, notice the breath goes out" (whether that be noticed in the nostrils, abdomen or whole body experience). The only point of difference from the video is that Homer is making the bed go up and down, where as I am just noticing when the action of breath takes place.

If you're like me (first contact your doctor and ask to see their psychiatrist), and struggling to breath properly, let Homer help you. He is a man of great wisdom.



Mmmmm forbidden happiness.

Hope For My Amygdalae

For me, the Amygdalae are the most interesting part of the brain. Known for its role in the processing of memory and emotional reactions, it is thought to play a key role in the response of fear.

My interest is largely due to having had a rather strained relationship with amygdalae. Having suffered from anxiety, sometimes to a highly debilitating level for many years, it is probably fair to say that I have somewhat of an "overactive amygdalae"! I like that it's there - I'm most likely alive because of it, but sometimes I do wish it would quieten down a bit. I find it quite humourous that I am talking a part of me as if it's a separate character. I suppose we'll leave the debate on what makes a person, a person for another time though!

Anyway, it seems as though there is hope for "me" and my amygdalae and all I have to do is to search in a place rather close to home - myself.

For some time now, I have been interested in the practice of Mindfulness. There are several opinions as to its exact definition, but as I understand it, it's a form of meditation in which you pay very close attention to the present moment in a non judgemental and compassionate way. My interest has, up until quite recently been passive, in the sense that I have had an interest in its concept, dabbled in it a bit, but never really got to a practicing stage. Very recently, this has begun to change. I have noticed a few positive changes already, enough to make me want to stick with it too (which is impressive as I usually get all impatient and give up on anything that hasn't worked after 30 seconds!). As these evolve, I may share some of them here.

Right, I'm mindful of the fact I'm beginning to waffle. So to get the point. Recent FMRI (Functional magnetic resonance imaging) scans taken from Buddhist monks have shown that practicing mindfulness can actually have a effect on the amygdalae and down-regulate it. Chances are I'll never become a Buddhist Monk (orange doesn't suit me for a start!), but the good news is that changes have been observed in those regular folk who have only practiced it for a short period of time. So, there is hope for my amygdalae!

I would recommend highly that you take one hour of your time to watch the video below, in which the above is described in more detail  (around the 15 minute mark if you don't have time to watch the whole thing). It's about a program developed by Chade-Meng Tan, an engineer at Google called "Search Inside Yourself" and is designed to cultivate your "Emotional Intelligence". I found it to be insightful, inspiring and humourous.



I wish you happiness.