Well, it seems there are a lot of evil dictators around at the moment. Hosni Mubarak, Colonel Gaddafi, Simon Cowell to name but a few.
Much of the focus for western broadcasters is to show the relevant country's state TV channel. I thought, given that I already have my own manifesto set out for when I become the next supreme leader, it would make sense to decide what I would show on my state TV channel. Well, ladies and gentlemen, faces of Jesus in butter, I have decided!
Actually, I am a nice guy, one who has been raised well and more recently one who has been encouraged to be more mindful about things. So state TV would consist quite simply of the following website running on a loop -- Do Nothing for 2 Minutes. This is a wonderful website and huge congrats to whoever came up with it!
I would want all my subjects/citizens to be happy and calm and so my channel (I'd still have to have a channel of course - I'd be a dictator after all!) would promote relaxation and thought - the two key ingredients for a kind, happy society.
Today, I found the face of Jesus in my butter. I kid you not.
Here is photographic proof of this religious experience (which is ironic as I'm not religious). I am going to dub this event "I can't believe it's not Allah".
Edit: Several comments have some in suggesting this may not be the face of Jesus after all...Suggestions for alternatives are Rolf Harris, Casper the friendly ghost, and the ghost from ghostbusters - even one suggestion that it could be Winston Churchill. I'll let you make your own mind who you think it is. Either way, I'm very flattered that he/it chose my butter to live in.
It is the places and the experiences we have in these places that shape us to become who we are.
These are the places that are important to ME. How about you?
This is my life, geographically organised using Google Maps.
I was born in 1982 in Sheffield in the now closed (nothing to do with me, honest!) The Jessop Hospital for Women which dates back to 1878 (I think that's when my Mum went into labour - not an easy pregnancy!)
This is where I started school, which by the way is completely different from when I was there. The only thing that has remained the same is the location.
The main reason I changed is because my best friend Paul went to that school. Paul lived on this road. We would take it in turns to go to each other's homes to play with our Micro Machines and have burgers and chips!
When I was 8 years old, I went on an airplane for the very first time. I was petrified! I got myself in such a state, I was getting bad stomach aches from nerves that my Mum thought I was having an appendicitis. Fortunately, I wasn't. I can't be 100% confident that this is the exact apartment complex we stayed in, but I think it is here. The down of Cala Blanca, Menorca, Spain.
We (my family and I) went to Menorca two more times staying at this apartment complex in the town of Santo Tomas. I made good friends with a boy called Marcus from Germany who I played with for a lot of time during those two weeks, especially crazy golf. There was also a really cool waiter at the restaurant across the road called Jose who we hung out with! (dunno why I remember that, but I do)
When I was 10 years old, I properly asked a girl out. My aged had reached double figures, so I should be a man right! (bless!). Her name was Debbie and she lived somewhere up this road. I got her number and called her up to ask if she'd like to go to the cinema with me. Unfortunately that didn't work out too well! OK well she laughed down the phone at me! I do think it left an impression on me (well it must have done, since I've included it here) as since then I have never been confident around asking girls out. That said, I don't "blame" her for it. I mean for Christ's sake, we were 10. Oh well, moving on! (don't worry, I know I'm totally awesome now!)
Still, I did have some nice friends there. Other than Paul, my other best friend was Warren. He also lived in Penistone somewhere up this street
View Larger Map (OK, I happen to know which one of course but gotta protect privacy!)
When I was 12 I had my first experience of being in love (not that I knew it was love at the time) -- no more schoolboy crushes on girls called Debbie for me now ha! For quite a few years (by a few, I mean around 8!), I was in an unrequited love situation. This is where I saw her for the very first time in this cafe. It's weird, but I can remember she was there with her Mum and sister. She ordered a Sprite or a Tango with a butterfly bun to eat.
While not enjoying my big school, I would often find some escapism by going to see a friend of the family Don, the carpenter. In fact, I recently found out that Don had passed away. Quite upsetting actually to find that out as he left a lasting impression on me. This is where Don lived during that time.
As a child, I also used to collect gemstones and precious stones. I loved to take days out to Tideswell in Derbyshire to visit the Tideswell Dale Rock Shop. I still have some of the specimens some 15+ years later.
In August 1999, me, my Mum, Dad, Sister, Aunty and Uncle went for a family holiday to Florida. Best holiday I've had! This is the house we stayed in for those two weeks
This is the building where I first used the internet. I had set up an e-mail address, mainly so that I could e-mail my Uncle Geoff. One day, I saw he replied. I could not figure out how to open it. Someone showed me that if I clicked on the word (I was looking for an Open E-mail button), I would load. Wow, there were at least two pages on this internet thing then I thought. You'll see the irony of this thought later.
I don't remember exactly how old I was here, but I think around 18. I went with my friend to see (for the third time in as many years), Jools Holland at Sheffield City Hall. After this concert, while waiting for my Dad to collect us, we decided to hang around outside the back doors to hopefully meet him. We did!
I briefly worked in a call centre here taking billing inquiries for Thames Water. Mostly uneventful except from when I had a call come through from the nuclear bunker at RAF Strike Command -- they wanted to change the name on the bill. Another colleague had someone from Buckingham Palace call to pay her majesty's water bill. Well one presumes one must use water. Other than that, nothing to say about that.
Moving on until adulthood, when 21, I moved with my family to Leek, Staffordshire. My family still lives there now (so I'm not showing you the house I'm afraid - although that is in part because it's not visible!)
Leek as somewhere to to show you lots of places was pretty uneventful. An exciting story was unraveling in my parent's study (well, it was my home too of course!). At the time, I was not working. I had very little money and too much time on my hands. I have always loved aerial photography and would spend literally hours scouring the internet each day for aerial/satellite photos. One day, I saw this product called Keyhole. A piece of downloadable software providing aerial photographs - and it would be updated - WOW! BUT, it was $99.99 and I could not afford it. Then, it was reduced to $69.99. Hmm, still a bit too much. I'd downloaded the trial version several times and I knew I wanted it! Then this company called Google purchased the company, and as part of the announcement, the price was reduced to $29.99 - I could do that! I did. Best decision of my life. The story is a fascinating one (I think) and if you want to know more, let me know and I shall provide you with it. Long story short. Google had acquired Keyhole. Google needed to expand its workforce. I somehow managed to be asked. I accepted. I worked my lil socks of as a temporary worker for one year. I was converted to permanent status. All of this was facilitated, my progress and source of inspiration all came from the co-founder of Keyhole, Michael T. Jones. Research him.
As part of this process, I visited Google HQ in Mountain View, California. I met many wonderful people (including a rather special Spanish girl, cough!). I got my break, I was going to make it work.
and, Washington DC. This was also the location where I learned that I had been successful in my quest (with the help of many others I add!) to become converted from a temporary contract to a fully fledged "Googler".
In the March of 2008, I went to Amsterdam for work. I briefly found time to go "window shopping" (well when in Rome....err Amsteram). I didn't purchase anything though before you ask! (wouldn't have known what to put on the expense form....presumably it'd fall under "sundry items"!)
On Thursday 10th April 2008 I was at program launch at our offices in London. Our guest speaker Sir David Attenborough. I briefly got to meet him and have my photo taken with him in this building here. This is where I currently have an office.
Back in August 2008, I briefly moved back home whilst looking for somewhere new to live. However, in the September, I received a rather exciting opportunity from my manager;
"You are invited to relocate here.
You might want to do a short visit for a few months to test the waters or you may prefer to just do the jump all at once. So far as I know, no barriers to either choice exist. It is really about convincing your mum to let you go. ;-)"
Me doing things the hard way, I went for the big jump (actually this was required from an immigration perspective). So, I decided not to look for new flat, stop with my parents while the moving processes were worked out. Naturally big relocations such as this take time, contracts, visa etc etc. Anyway April 2009, bye bye to the green and pleasant land of the UK. Sunny California it is!
When I arrived, work very kindly provided me with some temporary accommodation while I found somewhere my permanent. This was my temporary home (very nice it was too)
Each day, I would ride my bike into the office following this route. I liked to take the scenic way. Did you know they drive on the wrong side of the road over there?! That was fun!
During my time in the US, I visited Colorado. Specifically to have the truly surreal experience of going inside Cheyenne Mountain (a nuclear bunker built inside a mountain!)
